Mr. Commenter

“Why!? Why all this shit!?” — my friend was angry looking at his mobile.

“Calm down bro, what’s wrong?” — I am trying to bring him down from his frustration level.

“See this girl man! She has 2M followers on tik-tok! And it has become some news!”- showing me some video from reputed crap TV channel

“Why are u heated up by that?”- I was uncertain

“I don’t understand — is this world is getting dumb? Just syncing on some lyrics, changing clothes on the go… how can one be famous by this?”- it’s hard for me to get him out from this.

“Some wise man once said, even before this tik-tok; The world isn’t getting dumber, it’s just gotten easier for dumb people to voice their opinions” — I was trying to sync him up with my thoughts.

“Why can’t you uninstall this app? Even though govt has banned it, why you download it from black market and see, you judge yourself who is dumb here” — I had a point, with smile huh 😉

“Time pass bro! time pass! What else I can do?”

“Look into LinkedIn a professional platform for professionals! At least you can learn something rite?” — I assumed some minimum words absorbed by his brain.

“You are rite bro. Instead of looking to witchcraft I can focus on something good” — at last he removed the app!

After some time, we both were busy with our own world of mobile.

“What the flowering flower maccha!”- I was thinking what’s wrong now.

“see, see, see this! I am very excited to say I am joining …”- “wait, wait why are you even shouting?”

“In LinkedIn all post the same thing! I am excited., I am excited! If they are so excited, why can’t they consult someone-pathetic! Along with that they add these laptop and coffee mug images, God! See our maid who left job last week she also posted I am excited to join Godrej properties Do. No 420 as new maid with new broom pic and you said LinkedIn make sense.” — he slammed the excitement on my face.

“Changing job is important milestone so they want people to know”- before I complete my line — “For what!?”

… “good question, but I don’t have answer”

“People post this unwanted survey which is greatest company to work? Copy from some web page and paste here, see this fellow he added in his profile 1M followers by himself! Someone added the crap and say if you agree like and share, this fellow just adds meme’s, this app is like a professional wrapper around Facebook” — looks like sanely insane.

“Better don’t look into these apps it will keep your temper high”- I was tired.

“See this one more! This HR took screen shot of her own post and reposted same again and asking agree?”- screen was on my face.

“wait, wait let me see what she posted…” it said — “people don’t leave company because of salary but because of people. Agree?”

I was like flowering crap! 20K likes, 5k comments! On the same screenshot! Although HR’s profile picture is quite impressive, but still? Holly molly these people are serious? Is that the only reason — people!

At last, my friend was able to sync me up to his frequency- “bro, lets make some noise in these platforms, what say? let’s comment for each and every thing which we feel it’s a crap!”

“Absolutely! Let’s comment the shit out of posts!”- we both were determined.

“Well, login to your LinkedIn then” — my friend took out his laptop.

“Why me? You login! First, you had problem with all this” — it was a close call.

We decided to create some profile named Mr. Commenter PhD in Social Studies from BeatTheCrap University, NY. Added in lots of other fields, Experience in human psychology- didn’t missed that, which are relevant for us and irrelevant for others, followed each person from both of our connections, we were arguing on the profile picture though, but decided with Heath Ledger without makeup.

“Bro all set! Let’s start the game.”- we both logged in to our laptops with same profile and started hunting.

“Look at this, this girl thought it’s a dating site… Never trust guys, all guys are dogs! Followed by some story. 7K likes and 3k comments” — “its hard to read all the comments, read last comment that she replied on that software engineer”

“Why should I trust you? All the guys I’ve dated are dogs!” — for his heart broken emoji.

“Ok Mr. Commenter reply”- I replied saying — “Meow, Meow, Meow…”

We are proud to see 100 Likes in 30 minutes for our comment.

“Oh man! There are people who post religious images too!” — “we commented: I am religious because, religion is the only thing that grant us extra holidays in the year”

After several heart burning comments, we received a message. — “Who are you?”

“I am The Mr. Commenter”

“Why are you commenting nonsense on my post?”

“I never comment on good post. So.”

“I will block you!”

My friend asked me to wait, and he replied.

“You sound like — when you are walking on the road, a dog is sleeping on its own, you had an itch to throw a stone on it and you did it. When dog bites, you blame dog; of course, I am the dog and you are itchy person, isn’t it?”

Bro, blocked! Leave it continue with next.

“See my beautiful girl who completed her degree in cinematography” — A guy posted along with his friend. — our itch was constant — “sometimes beauty depends on camera quality.” We never thought our comment will be getting more likes than actual post.

“Why people change jobs? Comment your opinions”- these HR questions are never ending. I don’t understand why 6k people just liked the question- but we had our answer — “When you enter an adidas showroom and you see your salary written on pair of shoes, thus people change jobs”

“See bro, there are health specialists also on LinkedIn, so many screenshots on water and uses with a caption — to all ladies need healthy clear skin drink water”

“I never saw any man with rubber skin!” –our comment addressed all ladies — “Everyone keep saying especially this health specialist drink water for healthy clear skin, but as per the recent research conducted at our university in NY it’s been clear that all you get is pee”

Instantly we got a response on the comment — “you are trying to argue over water uses? do you really want to have water fight”

After commenting this we became silent and the specialist continued commenting, at least 7 to 8 more comments, he even threatened us, even asked us to come to his area.

“Hello specialist! I am coming to your area for water fight sorry for the delay I was just waiting for water to boil”- Not sure he understood the comment at last he stopped.

There is even political debate on this platform — for all comments we posted opposing response even if we knew we were wrong, sometimes we know we were wrong but it’s just fun to argue 😊

We started banging on LinkedIn walls so hard that we even forgot to sleep.

Next day when we tried logging in — “Your account has been restricted”

“Bro, in a day we did lot of magic so that LinkedIn couldn’t bare us”.

We contacted LinkedIn support; they sent us list of violations and asking explanation from us.

“See bro people are unable to bare us for a day, let’s switch our platform to Facebook, before that what can we reply to this support team?”

“Well, whatever you hear about me please believe it. I no longer have time to explain myself as I am going to explore Facebook. You can also add some if you want and deactivate account than restricting it. Yours’ untrustworthy faithful Mr. Commenter”

And our game continues…